a little rearranging...

before camden was born i got started on his room and loved it...but never felt like it was totally finished...and then camden came....and i never got around to figuring out why it didn't feel finished....so this morning i decided to attack the problem and do a little rearranging of the nursery....and it finally feels finished....

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this is the only before shot i could find....

the after....doesn't he just look so excited to be moving furniture...he must get that look from his daddy...

little things we love....

a few days ago, i took camden for a stroll around the block...it was a quick stroll and i didn't bring the stroller...i just bundled him into my arms and we walked through our little neighborhood....we looked at the mountains capped with snow....we touched our first leaf and i felt the burrowing of a little body into mine each time a breeze would whisper by...i loved the snuggles and secretly wished for the breezes to come more frequently...and they did....and that little body snuggled right up....relaxed...and fell asleep in his mommy's arms....

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if you catch camden in the right mood and you bring his little face up around your neck....you might just find yourself being eaten up by some adorably slobbery kisses....which is probably just hunger but mommy is satisfied calling them kisses...and she loves them....and someday soon they will be real kisses and i can't wait....

on a side note...look how great the little man is doing in his bumbo! so thrilled....

books....

camden's therapist recommended we get "gross motor skills in children with down syndrome"...she said it's like her bible...so i promptly got onto amazon and bought it....and then amazon recommended i buy four other books (including "fine motor skills", "communication skills", "teaching reading" and "the roadmap to holland")....and so i did....and now every day since friday i have gotten a package in the mail....and the books are beginning to stack up....and the reading is beginning to become daunting....and camden is going to want to curl up into a little ball soon if i keep trying new tricks on him...so i have to remind myself that my new life has to be lived by the "one day at a time" philosophy...and it's hard...because i am a planner....and how do you plan for this? i guess my answer is that you can't...not the way i plan at least....and so i have decided to put away the books that can be read later...and to attack this one step at a time...one foot in front of the other...and to let camden do the planning....and i will just do the writing....and we will both put one foot in front of the other...until he can do it all by himself, without me having to place it there.

tender mercies...

after the dust has begun to settle around here, just a little....i have been able to recount all of the things that have gone so incredibly right with camden, his birthday and everything else....so allow me to log them so that later i can remember....
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*a flawless pregnancy....which let's be honest....is a huge blessing in itself....
*the little guy came exactly one week early, and everyone who knew me pregnant can account for the fact that i pretty much pleaded that he come one week early...my mother and aunt were always late and i just couldn't think about letting myself go past the due date! needless to say i picked that weekend and told cam, very politely, that it would be a dream come true if he came that very weekend...and being that very best of babies he listened to his momma!
*all of our out of town parents got to the delivery in time to see the very first grandbaby (on all sides) make it into the world! they drove from california and from idaho and made it thirty minutes before it was time to push...
*the little guy took a total of 4 pushes (five lovely minutes) to squirm his way into the world...and had a beautifully shaped and beautifully tiny head (another request momma had made)...
*he weighed six pounds and five ounces, yet another agreement camden and i had before his birthday....because i had nightmares about having a ten pounder like myself...yes that's right i was a ten pound baby....
*mom had not one complication after the birth and her epidural worked wonders during....
*the boy came out strutting his daddy's full lips (which mommy secretly prayed he would get)...
*camden worked very hard in the nicu and was only in the hospital for ten days....and in nicu time...that's nothing....
*he is the world's best sleeper and billy and i have been able to truly enjoy the first three months...instead of wanting to pull our hair out and glue our eyelids shut....
*he continues to grow stronger every day...and his heart is working wonders....
*of all the things that could have gone wrong, of all of the things it could have been, it was down syndrome....and that is something that i physically can not blame myself for (because i would if i could, it is just my nature)....his little chromosomally enhanced egg was prepared for me at my birth...and waited patiently my entire life for his time...
*he smiles and laughs and let's be honest that's really all any parent needs to be able to get through pretty much anything....
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with everything that has happened....i am pretty sure someone up there knew exactly what this momma would need to help get her through...and for that i am so thankful.

mother's day....

i received a card today from a special little someone....inside i found this picture....

and below it read "look what happens without you! dad is clueless and just can't figure out the whole 'pants' thing..." with a little scribble to signify a name....

Happy Mother's Day to all of you mommies!!

our little stud...

has closed two of his three heart defects all by his lonesome...the vsd(which would have needed the open heart surgery) no longer exists, which is a huge blessing being that the nicu told us that these holes rarely self correct, the pda (which should have closed at birth and didn't) healed also! now we are left with the asd...such good news for our little man...

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from here....the cardiologist is worried a bit that the blood pressure in his lungs is a little higher than it should be because of that last defect...so we see her again in two months and hope his strong little heart continues to gain strength....if in two months his blood pressure is still up we will have to go back onto oxygen for a little bit and see if it will help...if that still doesn't work they will go up the artery in his leg and stitch up that little hole....

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moving forward is always good...looking forward to a life without cardiologist appointments! yay for camden...and thanks to everyone for the well wishes and prayers on our behalf...we have felt them.

tears...

the morning we were told about cam i cried....i tried not to, i tried to choke back the tears...and i did alright until the pediatrician got to health concerns...which we were not quite expecting...but then again, we didn't quite know what to expect....and i couldn't fight back that throbbing feeling at the back of my throat any longer...i lost it... i wanted to stop, i could tell the pediatrician was feeling that awkward bit of uncomfortable...i wanted to laugh and smile and embrace that sweet little body they had taken into the nursery the night before...but i lost it to the aching... and i am glad i did...because billy climbed into that hospital bed with me and he held me and we cried together...and i knew right then and there that there was no one else i could have made it through this with...so we cried...and we gathered our strength to announce our little boy to the world....every single bit of him...and we grew together...and i am thankful for our time in that hospital bed...because we wouldn't have made it to where we are now without it...and as we get ready to take a beautiful baby boy to another cardiologist appointment i think back on that morning and i know we can get through it...good or bad....we can do it together.

grandparents...

no one can make me smile like those grandparents do...every single one of them...we love our visits and wish we could have more...has mom mentioned the new found love of my tongue? i lick everything...even noses if you come too close! mom says i got the tongue from my daddy...and so of course she has to think it is just the cutest thing ever...even if i smudge her glasses with it or lick her sweater...