no excuses...

i messed up...i missed yesterday...in my defense, we are visiting with family and i spaced it. but no excuses i am getting back on the ball. so, with my lack of posting yesterday, i thought i would really put some effort into today, here it goes.

my little man has had croup for the past few days, the dr. put him on steroids to help open his airways, and i hate the sound of those coughs every morning and the inevitable feeling of helplessness when the humidifier and outside air just aren't getting the job done. so with that, we have kind of been taking it easy and with the sudden drop in temperatures we have been limiting our outdoor festivities to quick car trips and maybe lunch out, with the occasional walk out to the backyard apple trees. but he likes it outside. and stands at the back door waiting for us to let him explore, and well stalking the cat. and i hate thinking that he feels left out...

so on this october 12th, as i sit and think about down syndrome awareness, the back of my little guys head has me tied up in knots wondering how often i will see this picture throughout the years...how often i will wonder how he is feeling when he begins to notice that his peers can do things a little easier than he can or even perhaps things he can not do at all. and it hurts to think about....because no mother ever wants to think about the loneliness her child might feel, that feeling of being left out.

and i know it will come, inevitably, here and there...but i also know that he will have glorious moments of kinship...that he will make friends, that he will have companionship, and that he will be able to do things right along side his peers too. and i realize that every kid has that feeling of loneliness at one time or another, i still get that feeling...and that it isn't out of the norm for him to feel that way, in fact it is more normal than anything. because some kids are beautiful artists, some are fantastic dancers and some breeze through school, but no kid does everything with the same ease as their peers...and camden is no exception to that rule, and it's ok, because he will have success and he will have happiness in his very own ways. and i am thankful to be his momma, to watch him blossom, to see the excitement in his eyes, to feel his tiny arms around my neck, to know that he loves and is loved and that those things won't ever change.

and if it's not too much to ask, try a little harder this month to include someone who might be feeling a bit left out, because we all have known that feeling at one time or another, and we will probably all feel it again.

apples...

it was a good day...

at a loss...

i was planning on posting a new video...but i can't get it to work, and well i am at a loss on what to write about tonight, so i will keep it simple.

from the ndss:

"Why are medical researchers today so keenly interested in Down syndrome?

Down syndrome is a developmental condition. As researchers learn more about the molecular genetics and other aspects of Down syndrome, they also obtain valuable information about human development and can advance the study of many biological processes.

In addition, individuals with Down syndrome have a higher incidence of certain medical conditions, and the study of Down syndrome may yield important breakthroughs in those areas. Research in Down syndrome provides a way for looking at many important problems:

• Heart disease: Up to 50% of individuals with Down syndrome are born with congenital heart conditions. The majority of heart conditions in children with Down syndrome can now be surgically corrected with resulting long-term health improvements. However, scientists continue to search for the cause of these heart conditions and look for means of prevention.

• Alzheimer's disease: Estimates vary, but it is reasonable to conclude that 25% or more of individuals with Down syndrome over the age of 35 will develop the clinical signs and symptoms of Alzheimer's-type dementia.

• Leukemia: Approximately one in every 100 individuals with Down syndrome will develop leukemia; or, to put it another way, 99% of people with Down syndrome will not develop leukemia. The majority of cases are categorized as acute megakaryoblastic leukemia, which tends to occur in the first three years of life, and for which there is a high cure rate. A transient form of leukemia is also seen in newborns with Down syndrome, disappearing spontaneously during the first two to three months of life."

i love him...

more than words could ever say. and like any momma, i don't have any idea what i did or would do without him. he is my everything.

traits...

random fact: "a few of the common physical traits of down syndrome are low muscle tone, small stature, an upward slant to the eyes, and a single deep crease across the center of the palm. every person with down syndrome is a unique individual and may possess these characteristics to different degrees or not at all." ndss.org

camden has all of the above mentioned traits...he has isolated areas of lower muscle tone...we noticed it in his forearms when learning to crawl, i see it in his ankles while he is learning to walk, and in his mouth (which makes speech particularly more difficult for him).

the kid is tiny...he was 30 inches long at his last checkup which is average for a child his age with down syndrome...but he has a super hard time gaining weight, even for a child with down syndrome.

he has a slight upward slant to his eyes, i notice it particularly with his right eye.

and he has a simian crease across both palms of his hands, which looks like one single crease from above the thumb across the palm to below the pinkie finger.

camden also has...my blue eyes, his daddy's lips, my chin, his daddy's blond hair, his grandpa's round face, my thin stature (well when i was a kid), my outy belly button, his daddy's skin tone, his grandpa bush's outgoing personality with a hint of mommy's shy streak. he is definitely more us genetically than he is that extra chromosome, as all people with down syndrome are more alike their families than they are different.

videos...

camden loves books these days, he has a ton of them...but his favorite is "are you my mother" by dr. suess....



he also can't get enough of that daddy of his :)

lovin' it!

day five...

i have shared this on the blog before...but every time i hear it again, it tares a little piece of me away...nine out of ten women who are given a down syndrome diagnosis prenatally choose to terminate.

when you are initially given the diagnosis you think that your pain will only come from the idea that someone might one day not accept your child....that they might have to deal with ignorance, and not be able to defend themselves...and i can tell you that that pain is still very real but the pain that comes from wondering what would have been camden, if he had not been mine, is also very real. the pain of knowing that this little man of mine, who is everything to me, had a ten percent chance of surviving a pregnancy, not because of health but because of inconvenience, ignorance, fear or pride, that kills me. and everyday i look at that face and am overwhelmed with gratitude that he came to me...because regardless of popular belief, his life is valuable...and will continue to be of infinite worth. he contributes to society everyday, and he isn't even yet two...every day that kid smiles and laughs and i wonder what people are thinking when they speak of quality of life, because this kid knows how to live and how to love and that is quality of life. my son deserved his right to live, and so do the other ninety percent...and i know looking from the outside in that it might be difficult to fully understand, but i can say without a shadow of a doubt that camden is exactly who he was meant to be, and it is a life worth living.

button...

when i was younger i was obsessed with drawing precious moments characters, don't ask me why, i don't know...but i remember that my favorite part about those oh so lovable kids were there ever so tiny button noses. i envied their perfection and wanted one all for myself...little did i know i would one day get one...

it happens to be my favorite part of him too.

wobble wobble...

guess who just took his first deliberate, all on his own step...that's right...the cam man!!!!!! pretty good for day three of 31 for 21 :)...he just wanted to be sure to show off for you all! i am pretty sure i almost cried...we have been practicing for a little while holding onto the back of his shirt ever so lightly and pushing him to walk forward and letting go to get him to take one or two steps on his own...but today was the first day that he deliberately stood up on his own, in front of the mirror of course....and took one step forward all on his own, leg bent and off the ground and replanted all on his own, and then he lunged forward onto his hands. he is on his way!!!!!

not the plan...

when camden was born i remember distinctly thinking, this was not in my plan. i had little to no experience with anyone with special needs and although as a mother to be all of those what ifs run rapidly through your head, you definitely don't plan on them. i didn't quite know how to respond to the sudden change, i felt hurt, i wondered if it was some how my fault, i flashed to an unknown future, i thought about hospitals, i wondered how long my newborn would make it, i feared for his future, and selfishly mourned what i thought was the loss of the plan i had laid out for myself.

then i remembered something, it isn't just about my plan....because i believe that my Heavenly Father has a plan for me too...and once i remembered that, i realized just how beautiful and exciting adding this journey to my plan could be...even if sometimes i might face an uncertain future (as we all do) i can feel peace knowing that i am not alone. camden has brought more love and joy into our home than i ever thought possible, and everyday i am thankful for the ability i had to reach out, scoop him up into my arms and add him to my plan...because sometimes the things we think we never would have wanted in this life become more than we could have ever asked for.

"if you want it...work hard to create it, but leave cushion for the unexpected and embrace everything outside of that 'perfect' vision as good and meaningful parts of your story you would have never had the opportunity to know had you stuck to the script."

kelle hampton, enjoying the small things

happy october...

my favorite time of the year...pumpkins, sweaters, boots, hats, pumpkin pie, pumpkin jambas, candy corn, costumes and down syndrome awareness month!! this october, i am doing the 31 for 21 blog challenge again, meaning i am posting everyday through the month of october. it probably won't always be about down syndrome this year, but it will always be about the love of my life. so be sure to stop by!

thanks for making me a mama camden!

bath time...

the sign for bath is two fists rubbing up and down on your chest...camden signs bath at least five times a day...he gets two...and this is how it goes...

who is that?

bath time for giraffe...it looks eerily as though he is drowning said giraffe (but he is really just giving him a drink)try to get as many items in lap as possible, at one time ...mad face (upon request)happy face (upon request)...and look no support!line all bath toys back up on the ledge...i don't want to get out!!!!the end.

buddy walk...

we started here...signing time concert!

...
cam's buddy max came to say hello...
we started the walk...(there were lots of peeps there! we were lovin' it!)thirty seconds in camden decided he was done...cue tantrum...
but we finished!!!!
~
a big thanks to all of our sponsor/donors this year!

we wish we could have stayed a little longer and gotten some more friend time in...but the little was in desperate need of a nap, oh toddlers.

back to school...

we started a new intensive speech therapy program with early intervention through our school district for camden last week....only, i am the one sitting through a two and a half hour class on wednesdays for the next three months. yes that is right, i have gone back to school, to learn how to better communicate, and essentially be as good of a speech therapist (without actually being one) for cam as i can be.

the program is the hanen program, and we just started it, so i would love to hear experiences, if any of you have them? so far it's good, the classes go by quickly and i love that it is offered through the school district! (which means we are saving on private speech therapy for the next three months) and no one can really complain about that! it has been interesting, so far, to see different ways to communicate with kids and to understand a little better how best to interact with camden at each stage of development.

i am excited to see how camden reacts...

ps...we just got home from california...and we maybe miss it...thanks for playin' in the sand with me grandpa!

did he just...

you have to watch it clear to the end...there might be a big surprise!

it is amazing how every new step is its very own milestone, i am loving it.

shhh....

bedtime has become my favorite activity as of late. don't get me wrong, i still have the moments where in frustration i hand the little man off to dad because he just isn't having it...but i would say about 90% of the time, it is my favorite time of the day.

it is the time of day where camden's attention is all on me, which is increasingly rare, since his toys are where it's at these days. it's just me and him. at seven sharp camden signs bath and so up we go to lounge in the water...bathtime is followed by jammies at which point camden signs "brush teeth" and proceeds to do it all on his own! after mommy gets the real scrub time in with his teeth we read a book and camden points out all of the amazing things that are happening and jabbers away as if he is the one doing the reading...we proceed to do a the "wiggle dance" to get all of our bedtime wiggles out...he loves that part and belly laughs the entire time....and then it is onto prayers where the little man proceeds to bow his head and fold his cute little arms and then peak up at me several times throughout only to be reminded to fold his arms again in a whisper, which he immediately does. after prayers camden snuggles right in and we sing songs and he practices his talking, usually in a whisper until he knows he has it...last night he said dog...twice! and i love watching his little mind work for things, the shapes he mimics with his little lips, the smiles that creep over his entire face, the light in his eyes. it is our time to talk things out, to share our day, to giggle ourselves to sleep, and i love it.

but nothing compares to the soft shutting of his eyelids, the slowing of his breath, the loosening of his grasp, the sweetness of a baby fast asleep and the reminder that no matter how big he gets...he will always be mine.

team camajama...

yes, it is that time of the year again! buddy walk 2011 here we come! please hop over to camden's fundraising page to help us support our utah down syndrome foundation and feel free to sign up for the walk and join in on the fun while you are there!

thank you for all of your love and support!
love,

the bush fam

push it...

cam has been experimenting with the push toy for a little while now, but he has gained more and more confidence with it and so i shot my first video of his newest venture!

i promise i'll be better...

i have been neglecting the blog lately. we have been busy, yes, but really, it is because as of late i haven't really felt the need to write. you would think that would be an "0h no" moment for me...what is different? why can't i find anything i feel inspired to write about? so the oh no came this morning...and i sat down and pondered a minute...and then i realized that it isn't an "oh no" moment at all...because for the last eighteen months i have been inspired by the pain of a diagnosis, by the realization that a diagnosis means very little, by the beauty in the life i thought would surely be so very different than the one i had envisioned for myself just a short while ago, and it has been good and fulfilling and awe inspiring and life altering...and now it is my normal. i am thankful for the last eighteen months, they have changed me in so many ways i couldn't even acknowledge every one, i am a different person now, i see things in a new light.

and so here i am, on a tuesday and so many things have come and gone in the last month or so, an anniversary (five happy years, and one stronger couple because of them), a half birthday, vacations, milestones, life. and i am inspired every day, in so many ways...it is my new normal.

so cheers to happy families everywhere! the little inspirations in daily life...
and to finding ways to fit the time in to write about them.

blocks...

we have been in california for a week...so i have been quiet in the blogosphere...but i thought i would throw out a few videos of our trip today...