Well hello there...

Short of being the worst blogger ever these days, just saying. I am not going to try and play catch up...I just felt like popping in and reminding myself that I need to do this every once in a while. So to the zero followers I have left...we are still alive...and I promise I'll be updating this thing more often!

Easter...

We made it home from the hospital Saturday afternoon... So thankful to be home! Camden checked out ok for everything, just sent us for a little loop. Easter morning we blessed baby Hendrix and it was beautiful...we came home to an Easter brunch with lots of family. Camden was still pretty weak but it was good to be home. A big thank you to my moms for helping out...I would have never been able to pull off Easter without them!

The day I learned what faith is...

Today my three year old taught me faith. As we played with some toys that the nurses brought into his hospital room to make him feel more at home, Camden suddenly and so elegantly folded his tiny arms...looked right into my eyes and said "prayers". At first I thought I misunderstood because with his terrible twos Camden associated prayers with bed and yelled no in disdain when we would begin to say them. I looked back at my three year old and said "you want to say a prayer?" He then nodded his head and continued with his arms folded over his tiny frame. We sat on the hospital floor surrounded by a pretend doctor set bowed our heads and proceeded to say a prayer. Camden always finishes our prayers so at the end I opened my eyes and paused...there before me sat my tiny little man, who was not too long ago just a baby, with his arms in a fold, his eyes closed and his head bowed in prayer...he looked up at me at the pause and said "amen".

At three years old my child taught me what faith means...and I was humbled.

Today is our third day in the hospital...I woke up this morning thinking it was very possible we might be able to come home today...and now I am not so sure after speaking with Camden's doctor. As of now, there seem to be more questions than we have answers for. Thank you all so much for the prayers, kindness and well wishes. We feel them all.

They sleep...

Right now I am sitting on the floor under the couch where my toddler is past out to Monsters Inc. after a morning full of vomit...with a baby past out in my arms after nursing. My hair is still a mess, I'm still in my pajamas, Saturday plans have been canceled...and I am overwhelmed with a sense of joy...how could I be this lucky? What is it about sleeping babes that turns any situation into the best moment of your life?

World Down Syndrome Day...

Today in our home we are celebrating our oldest...and that extra special little bit of extra. Life would not be the same without our little stud muffin...and we can not thank the Heavens above enough for everything that he has brought into our lives. He has given us perspective, taught us perseverance, brought unconditional love into our home and he makes us laugh every day...we are better because of him, and that extra chromosome. Thank you Camden for choosing us.

Help us spread Down Syndrome awareness today by wearing blue and yellow or sporting your funkiest mismatched socks. Today was chosen (3/21) because of that third 21st chromosome.

Happy World Down Syndrome Day!

Spread the word...

Today is the official "spread the word to end the word" day...the "r" word or "retard(ed)" has a formal definition, it means: someone who is slower to advance (mentally) for their age...but in today's society...through popular movies, music, and in everyday speech this word has been changed to mean something less than, dumb, ridiculous, or disliked...take the pledge at www.r-word.org to help us officially end the use of this word...let's all think before we speak, eh? Camden thanks you in advance and maybe he will get to grow up in a world where this word is taboo and he is accepted for who he is.

And so we danced...

The last few days I played single mom of two as my husband had to leave town on business. Yesterday as I was attempting to do the dishes while the littlest slept...Camden decided, it wasn't time for that. Every time I would open the dishwasher I had maybe two seconds to slip something in before little hands would ever so politely, as if I had asked him to do it, shut the dishwasher. I wasn't getting much done....and so I changed course. I loaded one last dish and looked down as he once again proceeded to shut the dishwasher...upon completing his task he looked up at me, hands raised and said with careful pronunciation "up". I smiled at my little man, because I know how hard he has to work to pronounce words and gladly lifted that little body into my arms. We decided to turn on some music, my kid is a sucker for a good tune. The music started and Camden's face lit up with a smile. I set him down and said "lets dance!" which is exactly what we did...we danced, we marched, we ran, we jumped, we pretended to be several animals of Camden's choosing and we laughed. I didn't realize just how much Camden had been needing his mom...but not just around...he really needed me, and yet the bigger surprise was just how much I had been needing him. He refilled my soul and my heart and I realized that a little dancing with my three year old should and will always take priority.

just some teasers...

First day of preschool...

I have to keep telling myself it is only two hours...and praying that he does ok on that bus. Time just doesn't wait for you does it?

Big brother...

Camden is doing surprisingly well adjusting so far...lots of hugs and kisses for baby brother, but for the most part he just does his own thing...unless he wants attention too in which case he slowly starts to nudge baby with his foot as if to say...ok I'm done with you. Needles to say, we won't be leaving the boys alone together until Hendrix can hold his own to big bro!

Dilemmas....

Yesterday I had my very first mommy of two dilemma. We have been so blessed to have such wonderful mothers and grandmothers here to help out with Camden while I spend my days feeding a newborn and trying to get a schedule down...but I have missed my sweet Camden.

Camden got a stomach bug this week...and although I was fairly certain it was a reaction to his recent uptick in dairy products (cam has been off dairy for allergy purposes since 18 months) I wasn't completely sure...which meant my motherly instincts to wrap that little, sick body up into my arms and smother him in kisses and cuddles were put on the back burner to a newborn who not only needed me but needed me healthy, and without a way to potentially pass a flu bug his way. It was the hardest thing ever to let my sweet mother in law step in and take over my role with Camden. And although I still snuck in a few good cuddles my heart ached.

Oh baby...

Happy birthday Hendrix Reed Bush! We are so happy to have you!

three years...

it is hard to believe that i have been able to wake up to this little face for the last three years....

if someone would have told me what my life would be like today, i would have never believed it.  if someone had told me that i would be the mother of this little stud...

i wouldn't have believed it.

if someone would have told me that not only would i be a mother, but i would be the mother of a beautiful little soul, who would need a little bit of extra, i would have told them i couldn't do it.  because i never thought that i could.

but if camden was given to me for a reason...that reason was to show me that i could.  to show me the person i could potentially become, to show me that there is more to life than what people see with their eyes, to show me that there is more to living than i ever knew possible, to show me the depths of love that few are so lucky to discover.

this journey, is just that, it is a journey.  it isn't a way of life per say, although it alters your way of life...instead i would say that each and every day is a step along a path of not only discovery of another human being, but that of yourself.  and isn't that what life should be?

it is difficult to express the way that i feel about my son...raising children has its highs and its lows, but it is true that the level of fulfillment is unmatched. this year my son has taught me to trust;  to trust him, to trust myself, to trust my husband, to trust God.  thank you camden, for everything you are, for the effect that you have had on your father and myself, for the love that you so freely give and for holding on those first few weeks, for believing in me, when i didn't believe in myself.

happy birthday to my tiny three year old...to the year of three!

today we said goodbye to our cardiologist...

when Camden was a newborn we were told by the nicu cardiology team to expect that he would need open heart surgery and ongoing oxygen before age six months.  it was a scary time for a new mom and dad who were dealing with a multitude of issues with their newborn and it all just seemed to be one more thing on the ever growing pile of things to deal with.  Camden was born with three holes in his heart: an asd (atrial septal defect), a pda (patent ductus arteriosus) and a vsd (ventricular septal defect)...acronyms flew around us like someone was reciting the alphabet, but nothing really ever seemed to make sense.  we were told that the pda could close on its own but that the vsd would require open heart surgery to fix and that the asd might require surgery as well.  we had no idea what to expect...we spent the next six months visiting with his pediatrician and cardiologist fairly regularly, he was on oxygen at home for two months...and then we found out, to everyone's surprise, both the pda and the vsd had closed on their own.  we knew how much of a miracle this was and we were so grateful.  the closure of the vsd however created some blood pressure issues in Camden's lungs called pulmonary hypertension...the doctor hoped that it his lungs were just stabilizing from the closure and that it would clear up on its own...and it did.  our cardiology appointments backed off from weekly, to monthly, to bi yearly and then to yearly...today we got the news that Camden's asd has shrunk down to the point that surgery will not be necessary to close it and he is still showing no signs of his pulmonary hypertension...which means that today we said goodbye to dr. minich at primary children's hospital (unless something comes up of concern later on).  that is one less doctor on our list...and I am so overwhelmed and thankful. I wish I would have been able to tell myself in those first few months that my little man would go from this....

 

 

to this...

merry merry christmas...

Parenthood...

It was still dark out at seven this morning...the tiny one beside me started to toss and whine and then I felt him cuddle up against my back. I turned over, wrapped him back up in the covers and pulled him close...his eyes still shut as a closed, wide grin slowly beamed across his face. His eyes opened slowly and he smiled again as he began to babble...then he waved his little hand at me and said "hi". All the while little kicks from within help me to remember that it won't be just us for very much longer.

These moments in parenthood never get old.

Happy Halloween!

And the end of Down syndrome awareness month! Thanks for reading along...and remember people with Down syndrome are people first...

Love, the Sock Monkeys!

Think about it...

In 2008 it was reported that 90 percent of women who received a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome in the US chose to abort. A recent study done in 2012 showed this rate had dropped to a range of 67-85 percent (depending on where you live). In places like the UK and other countries however, rates are still above ninety percent.

Think about that for a minute. Down syndrome is the most common occurring genetic "abnormality". This is the most difficult subject for me to tackle...and mostly because of the thought that the majority of the society in which we live today believe that my child doesn't deserve the right to live. I am not going to argue my pro-life stance today...or talk about how an extermination rate of an entire group of people with an average around eighty percent is nothing aside from genocide, in my opinion. Instead, I want mommy's who may be reading this, dealing with this decision, to understand whom it is that they are taking away the right at life.

Camden turns three in January...he is rambunctious, sassy, opinionated, loving and lovable, smart, manipulative (what toddler isn't), unique, strong and hilarious. Camden has Down syndrome...a prenatal test could have told me that...but it wouldn't have told me who he was going to be. It wouldn't have told me that a hug and kiss from him could heal any wound, it wouldn't have told me that he would be the strength in our family, it wouldn't have told me that he would love tv (ya it is problem)...it wouldn't have told me that he would have a mind of his own...it wouldn't have told me that he would be shy...it wouldn't have told me that he would touch the lives of the people he encountered.

Children like Camden are growing up everywhere to beat society's odds...to have lives of their own...to be accomplished...to love and be loved, to lead happy, fulfilling lives...to inadvertently teach compassion and joy. They lead lives of value beyond comprehension, independently or dependently. Camden does not suffer...he enjoys the same activities that other children do at his age...he laughs every single day...he smiles every single day...he is loved every single day.

And maybe the choice you are about to make has less to do with the child's state of life and more to do with the thought of you mothering a child like Camden...and to that I say, you can do it. Your life will go back to normal, you will keep friends, and go out with your husband, you will love your child, you will think they are the cutest child on the planet, you will have hard days and good days, you will get over the pain that you feel from the diagnosis, there will be days that you forget your child has a diagnosis at all, you will find a sense of meaning and joy in this journey.

So before you listen to the geneticist about potential issues that may or may not arise in mothering or being a child with Down syndrome...before your fear of the unknown takes over, before the thought that no life is more merciful for a child like this takes over...think about it. Think about that rambunctious three year old that you may be keeping from having an existence, from being able to choose what color shirt they want to wear and talking about what they want to be when they grow up, the child that would have no first date, no chance at finding the love of their life, no chance at happiness at all. Just think about it.

Reece's rainbow...

After Camden was born Billy and I became members of an amazing group of people...families that were raising kids with Down syndrome all over the world. They helped me through the darker times after Camden was born...I linked up to their blogs, they added me as a friend on Facebook, I was invited to play groups and fun activities and my heart healed as I watched these families living their lives...just like other families did. They opened me up to a world I never imagined existed and we are so grateful to belong to such a loving community. Over the last three years I have come to know these parents...some made parents naturally...some shared similar stories with us, some were older, some were younger...and some became parents through the gift of adoption.  

The longer that we have been members the more families I am meeting who are choosing to adopt beautiful little children with Down syndrome. Some of these families already had a child of their own with Down syndrome and decided to reach out and save another child. Some of these families had virtually no ties to Down syndrome...but they knew that a member of their family was missing and that Down syndrome was where they should look.  I have nothing but admiration for these families who have given much to bring their children home...who are willingly choosing a life with a child with Down syndrome. 

While there are many options here in the states to adopt children with special needs...there are also options available overseas.  One of my favorite ministries aiding these children in their qwests to find families is Reece's Rainbow.  In Eastern European countries a child with special needs is seen as socially unacceptable, as an outcast. They are sent to orphanages at birth or upon diagnosis...where they live out their lives without the love of family and around age four, if the orphanage is full...they are sent to adult mental institutions. The care in these institutions is not good...these kids are tied to their beds, they are given little interaction, they are not given opportunities to grow or learn...they are left alone and too often abused, never given the opportunities to thrive. The thought that Camden could have faced a similar situation if he had not been born in the part of the world that he was breaks my heart. I literally ache for these kids...but Reece's rainbow is working hard to change this fate for these children...

visit their website www.reecesrainbow.com

These children deserve better, they deserve a chance at a life.

Biggest fears...

As a mother of a child diagnosed with Down syndrome there are a lot of things that we are put on watch for health wise...since birth Camden has had regular blood screens for his thyroids and blood cell counts (leukemia). He is a heart kid (he has congenital heart disease) so we see a cardiologist regularly as well. We have screened for kidney problems and sleep apnea...and of course we have all of the typical kid things to watch for too (vision, hearing, ear infections...). I am not going to lie...this is by far the most difficult part of this journey for me. Not because of the extra doctors or check ups or blood work...but because we have to think about these things. Because every time I see a new bruise I wonder the what if's, because every time I see broken blood vessels I start my lookout, because Camden's slow growth makes me nervous... because I look at the color around his lips on a regular basis, just to be sure. And the thought of my little guy under going surgeries, bone marrow transplants and chemo therapy always gets me. Watching as friends receive the diagnosis I fear the very most makes my heart ache...seeing toddlers lose their beautiful locks of hair makes me teary. And searching Camden's little body for signs makes me cringe.

I have to remind myself on a regular basis that just because we are on the look out for these things does not mean that Camden will inherit any of them. There is a saying: "you don't know strength until strength is your only option"...and I know that is true...I think of the littles and their mommas faced with these types of challenges every day and I admire their strength, their courage and I recognize that those things were their only option. Some of these possibilities are things you would never, ever wish for any family to have to go through...but they are an unfortunate piece of our reality.

This post is not meant to scare away prospective/expecting or new parents...it is just to say that there are some difficult detours along the path...but there are mothers and fathers dealing with the same things, that they understand your fears and your emotions. That you aren't alone if this is your path. And if there is one thing about this community of amazing parents that we are so lucky to belong to it is that they are fantastic at supporting one another, about cheering one another's family along whatever detour you may or may not find yourself on. And we are thankful for that. I also want you to know that there is hope...that we live in a day where most of the kids faced with these challenges will find their way through to lead a healthy, long life. And that the little miracles that we are so lucky to have are strong, they are courageous and they are fighters above all else.