is it hard...

i was asked this question once...i was caught off guard, and had forgotten at that point in time that camden had down syndrome. so instead of catching onto the meaning behind the question, i answered as any new mom would have, "no, well, motherhood isn't easy, but i wouldn't say it is too hard".

as i walked away, it dawned on me...i wasn't asked about being a mother, i was asked if being camden's mother was hard. it hit me like a ton of bricks, you know the feeling, breath knocked out of you...but not because i was offended by the question, because i thought maybe i had missed a great teaching opportunity. all at once a million answers flashed through my mind...they all consisted mostly of the extreme opposites of hard..."i wouldn't have him any other way", "he is the best baby ever and i don't know what i will do when we have a typical child", "he has been so much fun"...which are all quite true, but they don't really answer the question do they?

camden had physical therapy this morning...getting there on time at eight am, dressed, fed, ready to work, that might have been a challenge. listening to what the words "sensory processing issues" meant, that was maybe a little harder...watching camden struggle to do things that a ten month old can do in their sleep, can be a little daunting. reading the phrase severe delays on his evaluations was tough. thinking about his future, is sometimes a little scary.

but...only when i can't see his face. because that smile of his, well it makes me forget, everything...because when he smiles, it's just me and him. and when he took those first crawls forward, when he pulled with all of his might up to stand, when he rolled his hands while playing patty cake, when he finally understood something, and he smiled in triumph...that was life changing.

so after over analyzing my abundant possible answers, i landed back at my first...
"motherhood isn't easy" (but it is life changing in a multitude of magnificent ways).