when billy and i were contemplating beginning the process of becoming a family larger than two....i would see little babies and want one....not one to feed...or to change or wake up with in the night....no i just wanted one....like you want an ipod....or a new purse....i wanted a little accessory that would laugh and smile and i could dress up in the cutest little outfits and take for a walk in a cute little stroller....ya materialistic...i know....but that's how i saw it....and i honestly thought nothing of it....
then after a little while we started to say to ourselves "are we ready for that?" ...for those sleepless nights and crying little sounds, for the sudden lack of freedom that will occur....and we would say, "we can do it!"... it will be hard but we can do it....
so you might be confused at this point in time because i just went from talking about my soon to be newborn as an accessory and then to admitting that i thought about the hard parts right!? ya, here is mother nature's little trick....she prepares you slowly at first....i wanted an accessory....then i wanted a baby....i didn't look past the accessory part until we were trying....then i wanted a baby....and now here i am almost 6 months along and it has just barely dawned on me that what we asked for was not an accessory....not just a baby....but a lifetime....our lifetimes....and here we are with this little one on the way and i am just barely realizing that i have to raise this little accessory of mine!!! not just in its baby stages but all the way through....i'll have to discipline and fight with and set ground rules and worry about this little thing i thought i could just snuggle and hold for all eternity....on the first day i realized this i had a slight panic attack....i went to billy and i told him...."i thought i ordered an accessory!!!" and he just proceeded to laugh....
now i have come to the conclusion that yes...i will have to raise my accessory....yes, i will have to argue and discipline and cry with my accessory....but i am going to take this one day at a time....and enjoy my little accessory as much as i possibly can....because well, it's going to have to last me a lifetime and beyond....
and so maybe i am the only one in the whole world who felt this way....and maybe this sounds absolutely horrible to some of you....but that is how mother nature played her little trick on me....only now i have realized it wasn't really a trick....it's really a blessing that i wouldn't have had the courage to ask for if i had seen it any other way....
