motherhood....

in between the hair pulling, the constant babbles, the tears, the giggles...there are moments in this role of motherhood that never cease to take your breath away...

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when i can't get camden to give into those dreams that await him, when he is fighting ever so hard to keep those wide eyes ever wider, i tickle his face....i let my finger move across his forehead, down his nose, over and around his eyes...and he will reach up for my face and as i lower it down, he begins to tickle mine too...until he gets tired enough to shut those little eyes of his...and give in. it is a moment like this that time stops for me....when i forget to breathe...when all that matters is that little body cuddled gently in my arms....

teeth....

camden has started the oh so fun adventure of cutting his first teeth...and i am in for a long ride still being that i can't even feel or see where they are yet...he is biting everything though....and drooling which isn't like him...

last night right around bed time our little one started to gush out the tears...you know something is bothering him when consoling becomes difficult and he breathes in just to let out a little tiny scream of a cry...daddy tried and tried to calm baby down to no avail...with each new breath came another baby size wail and daddy was feeling pretty helpless.... so mommy took over because the pit of her stomach wouldn't let her just sit by and watch....i held my tiny baby while his body arched in pain and we rocked while we waited for the teething tablets to dissolve....finally the cries came a little less frequently until his stiff little body gave in to the relief of life without pain....but with every couple of breaths his breath would catch just a little, while he tried to calm himself...and so the end of the crying came for a few minutes and i don't know which was worse....the actual cries or the getting over them....i just stared at my little guy while he tried to soothe himself in my arms and there really is no more horrible a feeling than having to watch a tiny body twist in pain...but we got through it...mommy, daddy and baby....at least this time we did...

ode to month five...

oh how we have loved this fifth month....with the smiles and the giggles and the babbling...with so many firsts...we melt a little more into those ever widening bright blue eyes with each new day...getting pictures of that cute face is growing ever harder too, due to the constant eating of fingers and toes...we love you camden!

mum...

Camden has a few sounds in his vocabulary...one of which is ma...or mum...and at not quite five months i know he has no idea what it is he is saying...but i answer to it like he does...and have claimed it as his first word...just to make daddy a little jealous....but he only finds this word when tired or on the verge of crying...he gets this sad little voice and cry's out mama or mum and it just happens to be the cutest thing in the whole world and my heart melts each and every time i hear those little words in his tiniest of voices and i dream that he knows exactly what he is saying...he is asking for his momma...and i come running every time.
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you know when camden is ready for bed when the m's start coming and the groans quickly follow...and he will last like that for quite a while until finally after rocking and singing and soothing he will turn his little head into my neck and curl up around my arm and you can feel his little body give way to the dreams that have waited for him all day....and i love this moment...when he is his most cuddly self and fast asleep....and i can't help but stay a few more moments to soak it all in before i lay his baby body down....

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we have dared to venture outside this week...with the eighty degree weather calling out to us...it's been lovely...and mommy found a way to keep baby occupied while tending to her garden...

the oh so clever jumper....

although still a little too big for jumping...he likes to look at all of his new toys...

so mommy got to play outside too...

we planted this garden in april...silly little me thought that maybe we had seen our last snow day...i was so very wrong...but to my surprise...everything is doing just great...

little man has found his feet over the course of the last few weeks...and he loves those piggies...i think they might be sugar coated or something of that nature because it's pretty much all that he wants to do these days...

eat his piggies and play airplane with mommy....he is really good at it...

this week we have started rice cereal....and i don't think i am overstepping when i say he absolutely adored it...after each anticipated bite he would wiggle up and down and hum...i am going to say that means he wanted more...because i kept feeding and he kept opening that gummy little mouth of his....

he even tried to eat it off of his bib....

fathers....

happy father's day to all of the wonderful men in our lives!
to my husband whom i couldn't imagine my life without....or camden's for that matter. to my daddy, because i will always be a daddy's girl. to my step-daddy because he has always been there for me. to my daddy-in-law for sculpting the man that i love. to all of our grandpa's because our daddies would not be who they are without you.
and to our heavenly father...for everything.

our mornings....

camden has begun to sleep longer at night....his usual is 9:30 to about 7:30, which is a dream....but i miss our morning snuggle time....at six he would wake up to eat and pass right back out....and i would snuggle up to him in our big king size bed and mommy and baby would sleep until eight...and i could feel his tiny body cozy up and the slowing of his breath on my skin and although i selfishly could have been starting a very bad habit for him....i couldn't help it...after all a child is only a cuddly baby for so long....and now he wakes up at seven thirty to eat and play and our early morning naps have been wiped off the schedule so quickly that i didn't even get to say goodbye...and it makes me want to cry....my little boy is growing and i can't stop it....so don't judge me if on occasion i try to steal back some cuddle time...because even if he is, i'm not ready to say goodbye to it....

little arms...

you know you have met the love of your life when you would do anything to have their arms wrapped around you....it's the way i feel about billy....and it's the way i feel about camden....i can't really explain how it feels to have that little arm wrapped around one side while the other clings tightly to whatever piece of clothing or jewelry it can grab a hold of....and in my own tiny world i imagine it as his own little version of a hug, although he is probably just holding onto me for dear life....but i am content in my imagination....and when i am really lucky he lets go of that oh so tight grasp and relaxes and he tickles my arm as his little fist slowly opens and shuts around me and i love it....i always thought as a mother i would be the one doing the comforting....but it isn't always that way....and thank goodness for that....oh those little arms....

firsts....

there is something extra special about a child's first encounter, with pretty much anything....it is as if the magic of the moment radiates and touches every person present....you can feel the joy and the wonder of that moment and it soaks itself into your very being...and i know that camden is too young to remember his first swim in the pool with his daddy...and his first walk with his mommy on the california shoreline....but we aren't....

and so we take pictures....so that not only will we remember every square inch of that day....but we will remember those feelings...and the wonder of those tiny moments...

the intimate ones...

we will remember the contrast of the sand on baby soft skin....

we will remember the feel of the ocean breezes...and the smell of the salt water....

we will remember the laughs that were shared...and the amazement of it all....

note: keep on scrolling there is more of california below...

california....we miss you....

first off...how cute is this face?

in the sunshine state we went for our first swim...grandpa curt just couldn't wait because well, he did build that swim step just for camden...and so that 90 degree water was just calling out his name...

as the oh so spoiled only grandchild on all sides...camden had the pleasure of gracing a few crowds that gathered just for him....we got to meet new people and see the ones we love...we sure do miss everyone out there!

mommy and camden had a girl's night out with some of mommy's lovely friends...we miss them...

camden had his very first boat ride...among a few other firsts....

he didn't like the mandatory life vest...to say the least...

but he sure loved his grandma great-gloria!

and his grandma and grandpa caldwell....who snuggled with him every morning so mommy and daddy could catch up on a few zzz's....

he snuggled into his grandpa wayne's shoulder....

and wrapped his tiny fingers around his uncle tanner's...

we didn't catch a new picture of grandma laura...so here is one from easter....but don't worry she got lots of snuggle time with the cam man...and he loved it....

great pop...worked his master grandfathering techniques and camden fell in love...

great grandma joanie and grandpa forrest came to see us too and camden sure put on the show!

there really is nothing better than holding this little guy....

we will miss you california....

when kids meet politics....

we are in california this week....my mother's side is very political....as are we....and so we would decide to come to california the week that the entire state picks their political side....so of course conversation heads in that direction inevitably....and you can try and change the subject...but it always ends up right back there again....tonight i asked my thirteen year old brother a few questions amongst our family's political discussions....

me: do you ever get sick of hearing about politics?

brother: every day...

me: what would consider yourself?

brother: a kid....

after i died laughing i decided that my thirteen year old brother is wise beyond his years....

to the beat....

lately the little one has had the hardest time with naps....he refuses....it takes me thirty minutes to put the guy down and then he usually sleeps for only twenty minutes....and i know he is tired...because he gets these absolutely adorable crimson raccoon rings around his little almond eyes....and he just stares with this blank stare at the walls...not to mention that he gets cranky....if i am lucky he will take one two hour nap...usually not until the late afternoon....

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the solutions we have found are as follows: 1. techno....oh yes the munchkin gets put into his swing while daddy is working out to his techno beats....inevitably camden will fall right to sleep while his tiny body sways to the beat blasting throughout the house....2. errands....i have discovered that if i plan my errands during what would be camden's nap time he passes out in the car and i can usually get about two hours of running around in....
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i can't complain about either solution because number one is the cutest ever....and number two allows me to get stuff done! silly little man.... who just happens to be the cutest thing ever! (i can say that about my child, it is an unwritten mommy rule)...

a little bit of snow in our summer...

we went up to the mountains on a hike this weekend...to celebrate a certain grandma's birthday....although the mountains were still capped with a cold white blanket and the mud prevented us from making it to the peak of our destination....we still got some time in to take some lovely little pictures....happy birthday grandma!

can you tell who we all fought over to get a snapshot with? love him!