a birthday...

one year ago, i became a mother.

one year ago, i could hear nurses whisper...and an ob asked to speak to us in private...one year ago they said they saw those almond eyes...one year ago billy and i were too afraid of the what ifs so we didn't speak of them at all. one year ago our family welcomed their first perfect grandchild...and they had no idea about the concerns the doctor had brought up to billy and i. one year ago, camden's lips turned blue and whispers continued...and our new baby was wheeled in and out of the nursery with concern and hushed faces. one year ago i hoped the doctors were wrong. one year ago i had no idea how much my life would change. one year ago i didn't know camden.

those feelings are all still raw and fresh, but they are different somehow...they are new, they come with love and understanding and the knowledge that everything will be more than alright.

if i have learned anything over the last year, it is how to love...fully and without conditions, without limits and with appreciation. camden made me a mother for the first time and he has taught me more than i would have ever dreamed possible. as we celebrate today we celebrate camden. we celebrate love, we celebrate limitless possibilities. we celebrate a new way of life, a good way of life. we celebrate the little things, we celebrate our family and we celebrate life's surprises...because they mold you, they make you better, they bring more than your plans ever would have allowed.

thank you camden...for everything you are, and everything that you will grow up to be.

happy first birthday bud!

almost one...

tomorrow is the big day...we have already celebrated with our family and friends..and pics will show up soon...but tomorrow it is official...i will have a big one year old. i might cry a little, like i did while watching his face light up at the water show at disneyland, or when he was full of life trying to jump in and out of the waves at the beach today, or splashing himself in the pool and then giggling and doing it again...i know i'm ridiculous. i feel as though this milestone has come with all sorts of new tricks...like his continued attempts at crawling, his tries at pulling himself up, his insatiable need to be on the move, his new found love of anything with water, his signing dog, waving hello and bye, clapping and yelling yay, mimics of everything dad and i do...like clicking our tongues, clapping, signing, coughing, laughing and more....understanding in his eyes, his nigh nigh cries at bedtime, his ma ma when he needs me, his ada da's.... it's a whole new world out there from here on out...and each day brings something even more magical....so bring on tomorrow!

celebrating....

we are celebrating a little early this year...(he turns one officially on the 24th)...and i can't believe it's almost here. my little baby isn't a baby anymore and with his attempts at crawling getting more sophisticated each day i am going to have a little toddler on my hands soon.

the start of mobility...

and the end of any freedom i thought i might have had with camden....



go cam go!

a love story...

you never quite know when life will swoop in and leave a little imprint...i am always glad when it does though, it leaves me better, satisfied, fulfilled...today my sister and i took our grandmother out for a pedicure...it was grand and i was well overdue...there really is nothing better than a little pampering here and there and time out with family. about half way through our girls day out, an older gentleman walked in with his wife...he was rougher, a biker in his day...time had touched her far harsher than him. he wheeled her in and placed her at the manicure table and then walked over to get a pedicure for himself, and i couldn't help but smile, because there is nothing cuter than a man who grabs a hold of the good things in life. his wife had a harder time with her words and could barely hold herself upright, and i wondered what had happened, had she always been this way? we girls kept up our conversation...and soon this gentleman worked his way into it...he was graceful about it and had quite a sense of humor about him and then his wife came up, who had had a brain aneurysm a few years back and laid in a coma for six months, while this rough biker of a husband sat by her bedside and prayed for her to come back to him...and she did. she had lost her memory, she was angry, and had to learn how to do most everything all over again...but he stood by her, and time softened this man into one wonderful husband...who taught his wife who she was, how to speak again and is currently teaching her how to walk again. he remodeled the house because she kept falling on the tile floors and he does all of the housework for her, because she can't any longer...and as i sat and listened to this man who needed an ear to be lent...i couldn't help but smile inside, because through all of this...was one amazing love story.

~

cheers to a life worth living.