Saturday, May 7, 2011

how do you explain it...

when someone asks you how you felt when you found out your son has down syndrome? because honestly i don't really want to explain the first twenty four hours...i want someone to ask do you feel now, now that you have been given an entire year with your son, down syndrome and do you feel about it now? but they never, ever do. instead you are torn between the lines...on the one side you have the cliche, "he is my son, and i will always love him just the same"...or you have the truth. that sinking feeling, that cloud of dismay and all encompassing weight of the unknown...all brought on by a world of misunderstanding and just plain not understanding. and don't get me wrong, i understand the reason for the question, very much. i would have asked it myself. it's just that, when you find out anything that wasn't what you would have originally put into the blue prints of your life, the first twenty four hours, i believe, (and sometimes a little more time is allowed), is god's grace period. he understands the tears...he understands your fears, even if they are completely unfounded and irrational in the whole scheme of things. he reaches out when you are shaking your fists up at the heavens and he forgives those almost unforgivable thoughts. because he knows where you will be in just a short year.

so you want to answer that question with the way that you feel about down syndrome now...the beauty, the personality, the love, the all comes bubbling to the surface, because you want everyone to know that it is okay, that you are okay...after that initial grace period you start to see what heavenly father has seen all along, and you are thankful. thankful that you get a glimpse of what true unconditional love really means. thankful that you are fortunate enough to learn something of christ like love. thankful that you understand, a little better, christ's love for you.


  1. Happy Mother's Day...I do think that mothers should get time to have there feelings...not a limit on when they should get over "it" because everyone heals in there own time...Maddie is coming up on 2 years old..and I am secure in her...and secure in me...but it took me time to get over the shock of my life change...I love that people are seeing Maddie for the little girl she is instead of what doctors have labeled her...great post..smiles

  2. I loved this...After Russell was born I was very angry with God, with everything really. I was so scared and so hurt...But I know he understood, because he knew in time I would realize what a precious gift he had given me.
    Beautiful post. Happy Mothers Day!


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