from our family to yours...

a little christmas magic...

smile camden!

there is a definite difference this christmas than those of past years...because at age two, camden is starting to see it...he is taking it in...the lights, the tree, the snow, the big red guy with the beard...and if you ask him if he is excited for christmas...he says "yes" with a big grin and a head nod.  when you point out to the falling snow, he smiles shyly back and signs snow while he says the word "noh" and after taking the above picture he now recognizes the big guy everywhere we go...and so sweetly signs santa while attempting it with "ata".  and i giggle and he giggles and the magic of christmas is creeping back into our lives...and i couldn't be more ecstatic, because there is nothing more magical to a child than christmas, and there is nothing more magical to a parent than watching a child at christmas.

preferences...

as of now camden still prefers to crawl...i on the other hand, would prefer he get off his little tushy and walk. i don't think it is too much for me to ask, since two plus months ago he showed us he could and he is up to ten consecutive steps now, and understands how to slow himself down and balance. apparently camden doesn't see it that way. about a month ago camden tried out walking to get around, and somewhere along the line, he decided he prefers his hands securely on the ground. his therapist even wrote the following on his report last week: "camden is able to walk, but chooses not to"... i can't say that i blame him, he is a fast little fireball on all fours...but i am dying a little over here.  the only time he will stand up and take steps is if we are begging, pleading with him to do so...and so for the last few weeks, i have been pretty down about it.  and then this morning i was getting ready and i watched him in the mirror come crawling in from the hallway, and i realized that i should be cherishing these last few months of crawling, because i know soon enough he will stand up and take off on two legs, and that little piece of baby in him will be lost forever.  so crawl away little man...because you are getting bigger everyday, and a part of me just wants to yell "STOP!"

snow day...

love.

holding on a little bit tighter...

i watched a video on facebook today, and i broke down bawling on our way home from christmas shopping...it made me want to hold onto this little boy of mine a little bit tighter...it made me ever so thankful that we still get to see that tiny boy every day, and it made me thankful for the opportunity i have to be his momma...because every child is a blessing, and every life teaches a lesson...and often times the shortest of lives teach in the most profound of ways. everyday that i get to wake up to his smile i learn something new about myself, every story that touches our lives through camden helps me to understand our own a little bit better...and today i am ever so thankful that billy and i were somewhat oblivious to the dangers that camden faced in the first few days of his own life...because it is only now, that we are on the other side, that i look back and realize just how little i was in control, and just how easily things could have taken an entirely different direction...and i know now that if they had, or if they ever do, we will be alright, because i have faith in our eternal family and know that sometimes all you can do is take a step back and realize that someone knows you, loves you and has a plan for you.

and with that knowledge comes the peace of knowing that everything will always be alright, even if it isn't what we had planned out...that every single moment counts, big or small...and that embracing those moments are what makes life worthwhile...

so we are alright with the messes...

we are enjoying the hugs...and the giggles...

the ever blossoming toddler that we call ours...

even if he is one stubborn little boy sometimes...and doesn't like to do things on mommy's timetable...because it really doesn't matter, all that matters is that he is ours, forever and always.

time...

i have days, where all i want to do is vent...about camden, about down syndrome, about terrible twos...and i feel oh so overwhelmed. and when my husband comes home at night and asks how our day was, sometimes i just want to cry, because the day is already over, and the dishes are piled high, the crumbs are building under the highchair, the laundry is a week over due, and i haven't even showered...i joke to him that one day i will wake up in my forties and wonder where my life went...i say joke although, i am fairly certain that will most definitely happen. how do the days go by so fast? sometimes i feel like everyday i wake up running and reaching and i can never quite catch up, there is always more to do...there is always another mealtime, there is always another therapy session, there is always another tantrum, there is always more cleaning to do...

but at the end of each day, after the venting is over, and camden is sleeping soundly, breathing slowly, smiling sweetly in his dreams i inevitably feel the peace...i remember the laughs, i remember the dances, i remember the sweet kisses and the oh so tight hugs from tiny arms...the milestones, the personality, oh the personality, the songs, the walks, the awe that only a child's eyes can hold. and i smile...because on that day, when i wake up and wonder where the years have gone...i will know they have been spent to the pitter patter of ever so tiny feet, the joy of a first smile, a first laugh, first steps, first days of school, first dates...i will know that my years have gone into the people around me, and i can't think of anyplace i would rather spend them.

blog break over...

ok, i think my blog break was long enough, i probably have no readers at all left...

i checked my blogstats for the first time ever this morning, just wondering, i honestly had no idea how to do it previous to today...and goodness i am thankful for all of you out there! i honestly just started the blog as a journal for billy and i and when camden came along it became a release for me, time to myself, time to reflect and grow, time to connect with other families with similar circumstances...and today i noticed that camden's journey has touched far more than i ever would have imagined...that we have blog viewers throughout the entire united states...but also in canada, the uk, germany, poland, philippines, lithuania, indonesia, romania,  australia, malaysia, france, japan and russia...what? 

so thank you! for touching our lives, and sharing your own, i don't know who i would be exactly without this little blog of mine...even if it isn't always at the top of my priority list.  

 ...

we spent thanksgiving with my family in a state that looks like this...

oh california, how i miss you...while we were away camden might have gotten a few early christmas presents from some grandparents...i thought he was going to die of excitement when he saw rock n' roll elmo...he played with that guy for an hour, and even knew exactly what to do with all of the instruments, including the microphone, he spun circles on his little butt forever just singing away into that thing...

 

he also got a fun race track that spins the cars in circles...he loves putting all of his toys in there just to watch them spin...and on occasion he sits himself on that track and tries to push himself in circles, silly boy, we shall see how long the track can hold up.

 

and of course he loved the plastic wrapping it all came with...

i  sure do love this little boy...