time...

i have days, where all i want to do is vent...about camden, about down syndrome, about terrible twos...and i feel oh so overwhelmed. and when my husband comes home at night and asks how our day was, sometimes i just want to cry, because the day is already over, and the dishes are piled high, the crumbs are building under the highchair, the laundry is a week over due, and i haven't even showered...i joke to him that one day i will wake up in my forties and wonder where my life went...i say joke although, i am fairly certain that will most definitely happen. how do the days go by so fast? sometimes i feel like everyday i wake up running and reaching and i can never quite catch up, there is always more to do...there is always another mealtime, there is always another therapy session, there is always another tantrum, there is always more cleaning to do...

but at the end of each day, after the venting is over, and camden is sleeping soundly, breathing slowly, smiling sweetly in his dreams i inevitably feel the peace...i remember the laughs, i remember the dances, i remember the sweet kisses and the oh so tight hugs from tiny arms...the milestones, the personality, oh the personality, the songs, the walks, the awe that only a child's eyes can hold. and i smile...because on that day, when i wake up and wonder where the years have gone...i will know they have been spent to the pitter patter of ever so tiny feet, the joy of a first smile, a first laugh, first steps, first days of school, first dates...i will know that my years have gone into the people around me, and i can't think of anyplace i would rather spend them.