When Camden was younger, a baby, I rocked him to sleep. I would get lost in time in that rocking chair...holding him snuggly in my arms, as if he was the reason that I even had arms to begin with. He fit perfectly there. I remember staring at his petite features for what felt like hours at a time...he was like fire and I could feel my instincts instructing me to soak him in, to breathe every inch of every moment in. His breath was sweet from the milk that I pumped for him, and it got heavier with each second of sleep. His features were so tiny and petite...his button nose fit so beautifully in the middle, his eyes framed by full, long, dark lashes; his dimpled chin set just below his full red lips on the palette that was his porcelain skin...showing just enough blush in his cheeks. He was perfect...every inch of that sleeping face. And I remember wondering how anything so perfect could ever be imperfect. He was my proof of the existence of God...it was impossible, in my mind, for something so pristine to exist without a hand to help guide it into existence. A fierce love bloomed in that rocking chair...in those moments where time stood still and I filled my entire being with the breath of my baby.
My baby is a child now...and I still find myself lost in gratitude...I still find myself staring at his sleep filled body...soaking in his perfect features. Wondering how I could be so lucky.
Thank you for following along this month. For allowing a bit of perspective to enter into your own lives. For hearing out the words of a mother who fiercely and loyally loves her children...and who wants to share that with the world around her...in the hopes that this world will be able to love her children too, that we will all find that little bit of heaven in those around us.
Happy Down syndrome awareness month!
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