Monday, April 30, 2012

i'll walk with you...

i had a moment yesterday...they don't come often anymore...and they are rarely accompanied by pain of any sort.

in primary at church (i help with kids ages 3-11) the kids were learning this song....

"If you don't walk as most people do, some people walk away from you, But I won't, I won't!

If you don't talk as most people do, some people talk and laugh at you, But I won't, I won't!

I'll walk with you. I'll talk with you. That's how I'll show my love for you.

"Jesus walked away from none, He gave his love to everyone. So I will, I will!

Jesus blessed all he could see, Then turned and said, 'Come follow me'. 

I'll talk with you, Ill walk with you. That's how Ill show my love for you".

and i held it in...but after 3 times through the song i couldn't anymore and made the choice to retreat to the restroom before the kids started wondering why i was balling.

i knew that song, i had learned it in my own youth...but i hadn't ever thought about it from the other side of the table.  and that day, listening to those lyrics sung with such enthusiasm from these children, who will one day be such role models to my son just made me so thankful.  so thankful that they were being taught such a valuable lesson at such a young age, so thankful that camden will one day as well...and thankful for those people in his life, who will walk with him, and talk with him and love him because he is ever so worth it.

and i tried to compose myself in that restroom, as best i could, and when i came out i found two wonderful women who had followed me to make sure that i was ok.  and i was...because i wasn't sad that camden might have those moments that the song spoke of, that he might feel lonely or left out or bullied (even though i know it will most definitely happen from time to time, and that knowledge does hurt)...it was because the song gave me hope...hope that there will be children that camden grows up with who will understand and who will stand up for him, and say "i will, i will".

Thursday, April 12, 2012

a little bit of california...



Tuesday, April 10, 2012

barefoot...

we have had a lot going on lately.  long car rides.  too many goodbyes.  but life is still good, and wholesome and beautiful. 

last night after about seven hours of our twelve hour car ride...camden might have begun losing his mind. and not in a good way.  the cry outs from a fifteen year old uncle sharing a back seat with a two year old are still ringing loudly in my ears today.  "ow camden, don't kick me".  so we took a short break, and i let camden walk around the car in a black asphalt parking lot barefoot for about twenty minutes. we walked in circles, stepped up and off the curb again and again, we picked at the grass, we felt the sun beat down and the wind blow by.  we took a long deep breath.  and when it was all said and done, the little put up one heck of a fight about getting back into that car seat of his...but then i noticed something...tiny black feet, stained from the dirt in the parking lot.  

this observation might not be significant to you...but it was to me. in two years, camden has never had dirt stained feet.  and i took the moment in and realized how much joy two tiny feet could bring to me, that moment surpassed the goodbyes, the long ride, the tantrums, the kicking...and thoughts of a tiny toddler walking around barefoot with tiny dirt stained feet this summer made my heart melt and brought a smile to my face. 

i wonder if i will notice the little things with my other kids...i hope so, i can't imagine life without them. 

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

i love you...

Camden (with prompting) started saying "i love you" through a mix of words and signs a few weeks ago :) i took video...it sounds more like (i of uuu) and he signs i by pointing to himself and love by puting his hands over his heart and moving his shoulders side to side, and "you" goes back and forth, it starts with a finger at you and then it ends at him haha, he apparently loves himself too ;) and i don't blame him, not one bit! here are the best videos i could manage...he is really only half paying attention when the camera is going, but you get the idea...

i am happy to report that after a few weeks of prompting, every other minute of every day, because i love it so...camden is now using the phrase all on his lonesome...and i melt. 

Monday, April 2, 2012

what we have been up to...

sleep study...don't worry, he fell right to sleep, and did great!

new favorite toy these days: legos (he still needs some help, but is getting pretty good)

he toddles around the house all day...although we are still waiting for the lightbulb to click and for camden to realize that he can walk full time...

finger painting...he loves it.
getting into trouble...

sushi...

walks outside...

  
making messes in dad's office...

the zoo...

naps are getting shorter, so we try to soak in what we can...

 big boy carseats....

and loving life.

Friday, March 9, 2012

step by step...

 

it may have taken us almost five months since the day he took his first steps...but he is finally getting there...and loving walking again!

on a side note...in honor of World Down Syndrome Day on 3-21 i am linking up to this little post...the impact of down syndrome...where several fellow mommies, including myself, were asked how having a child with down syndrome has changed their lives...it is just the first in a series of posts honoring our littles on this blog, so be sure to follow along.

Friday, February 10, 2012

mommyhood...

there is a point in motherhood when you stop worrying about the fact that your child just threw up in your hair...you grab a ponytail, strip down, put on those big girl panties and rock that little one until he settles down and falls asleep in your arms...and then you look down on that sweet, peaceful face and can't imagine being any luckier than you are, vomit soaked hair and all.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

toddlers...

try not to let the below picture deceive you this kid is trouble...
camden still isn't a full time walker...but he is getting there...and with his new found freedom the trouble in this second year has increased dramatically.  this morning i woke up to change four, yes four, stinky diapers in one hour...camden then proceeded to bash his head into the tv stand and his toy chest in my bathroom.  i usually put cam in the bath while i take a shower (it keeps him occupied and my shower overlooks the tub in case there is a fall)...today camden had already pooped four times, so i figured i was safe...cam gets in the tub, mom gets into the shower...cam assumes the potty position as he signs potty i drop the shampoo and jump out as quickly as i can, drenched mind you, to grab him from the tub and stick him on the potty...but he doesn't go and i am dripping and he is laughing so i throw a diaper on him and hop back in the shower to race to the finish line (i only need like 3 minutes tops these days to get the necessities done) camden in that time frame decides to throw two used diapers into the still full tub along with a set of pj's and a sweater...all the while i am screaming NO CAMDEN as soap suds run down my face...i jump out of the shower several times to pull him away from dumping anything else in the tub before it finishes draining...he opens all of the drawers and proceeds to dump every hair accessory and random item in said drawers onto the floor...at this point i am just thankful he is busy and that i closed the door to the toilet.  i finish my shower and then realize my hair brush (along with several other items) has been missing for two days now...i have no idea where he puts anything anymore.  i hurry and comb through my hair with a travel brush (i have ridiculously thick hair and so this task is a nightmare in itself)...i turn on the blow dryer and camden hates the stupid blow dryer so i get to listen to him try to scream louder than it and throw a little tantrum while i desperately try to get my hair more damp than dripping...i gave up. and at this point i am just thankful we have no where to be today. 

however...i will take the extra trouble...and hope it doubles soon, because this man of mine is going places and a little trouble here and there is more than made up for with a little arms wrapped around your neck kiss right on the lips. 

Friday, February 3, 2012

stache bash...

prepare for picture overload...
decor:
birthday boy:



photo booth:  (didn't get everyone, but here is who we did get...)










 



 
and it wouldn't be a birthday without this guy...

 
 he is two!!!!!!!!

Thursday, February 2, 2012

broken...

i was told once...to let go of jealousy, fear and pride.  i have thought often of these things...they are feelings everyone has, but i understand just why i need to let them go personally...they have held me back my entire life.  they keep me from accomplishing, from living, from loving.  i was given a gift in camden, i know he was made specifically for me, because i need him.  i needed a moment, a glimpse of my broken self, i needed to be torn down so that i could be built back up...and who better to put those peices of my heart back than a child so unconditionally full of love, a child who will undoubtedly face and combat jealousy, fear and pride in the people around him everyday of his life.  i have learned so much in just two short years...about love, about the things that are important in life, about myself.  i have learned to let go of a lot of things...and i still struggle every day with the aforementioned demons in my life...but i know camden is slowly picking me up off that hospital floor every day...that he is putting me back together the way i needed to be put back together. and i am ever so thankful for my tiny, beautiful gift.

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

our little man turns two...

today we celebrate two years of having a tiny soul bless our home.  there are a lot of emotions wrapped up into today...and the wish that i could turn back time to the day this tiny little being came into the world.  if i knew what life would be like today...i wouldn't have cried those sad tears, i wouldn't have partaken in any amount of resentment, i wouldn't have mourned a child that never existed...i would have celebrated every ounce of the six pounds that i was so blessed with....because he is mine, and he was made for me in the most perfect of ways and i can't imagine life any different, or any more "normal" than it is today.  thank you camden for the light and love that you bring into our home and into our hearts every single day...for the world we never knew existed and the happiness that we have found there.  because i know now how little you need me and just how much that i need you.  today we celebrate you, camden, every ounce of you little man.  

on a side note...we are opening up our celebration to friends and family this saturday...if you are in town and would like to join in on the fun...let me know!

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

camden is turning two...

our littlest big boy is turning a whopping two years old next week..we are having a party to celebrate at our place on saturday the 28th (you will see a formal invitation on the blog soon)...i am so in love with this age...tantrums and all :) at almost two camden is....

*a first word user (meaning he uses single words, and copies or tries to copy the things that you say) words he uses on his own include: mama, dad, chase (ase), toe, two, turtle (tuwtuw), bye, that (dat), no, more (mo), oh, wow, santa (anta), nigh nigh, grandma (um ma), grandpa (pa), thank you (an ou), all done (a don), yes (es), head (ed), snow (noh), me (meh), yay...
*he will tell you what a cow, dog, cat, duck, monkey, bee, snake, gorilla, bear, tiger, dinosaur and wild thing says when you ask, or he sees one, he also knows most of the signs for different animals. 
*we stopped counting when he hit his seventieth sign, and he has learned so many more and he will often combine signs...like "roll ball"
*he understands a ridiculous amount when spoken to, and can answer a question he knows instantly...although he chooses quite frequently to ignore you.
*he gives hugs and kisses on demand.
*he can point to his head, toes, hands, ears, eyes, nose, mouth, head and hair when asked.
*he is walking! when he wants to...and he will only do something for people he doesn't totally know when he feels 100% confident about it. 
*he can walk up stairs with two hand support, alternating feet.
* he can turn around and go feet first off anything: down the stairs, off the couch....
*he dances standing up without holding onto anything, the kid can shake his little booty.
*he can bend over in the middle of the room and pick up objects and stand back up, sometimes walking them over.
*he uses a push toy and can get on, off and ride a push car.
*he can get up into a kid sized chair on his own and turn around.
*he can push his chair over to the couch and use it as a ladder to get onto the couch, although he doesn't like to if it feels unstable at all.
*he loves anything ball related, he loves to roll and throw them.
*he knows the words and signs for the colors: blue, yellow, red, green, brown,  black and white...and is beginning to understand the concept behind color (he is pretty consistent with red and blue)
*he is stubborn as all get out and hit the terrible twos around 18 months...lovin' those fall to the ground and kick tantrums...my fav.
*he is a great eater...finally! 
*he can use a spoon, although he is still working on consistency with the scooping action.
*he is learning how to use a fork and is getting pretty good.
*he drinks from a straw and open cup
*he can do simple matching puzzles.
*he loves to feed his elmo and cookie monster and knows how to get the cookies out of cookie monster's backpack, feed him and start over, he also loves to rock and kiss baby dolls and chuck them across the room when he is finished, haha. everything is a phone. he also likes playing with cars and doing the sound effects.
*he can work push button toys without help, and can navigate some apps on the ipad.
*he is quick to pick up on how to make things work.
*he loves to open the garage door, and has to do it every time we enter or exit.
*he knows the actions and signs to the following nursery rhymes/church songs: itsy bitsy spider, the wheels on the bus, patty cake, book of mormon stories, popcorn popping, up up in the sky, twinkle twinkle...and asks for each quite frequently
*he loves bubbles and can blow out of his mouth (not strong enough to get the bubbles going yet, but he is getting there.)
*he can put pegs into holes.
*he can do the ring stacker, stack 5 plus blocks and the shape sorter (most consistently with the circle, square and triangle)
*he is the first to fold his arms at the dinner table awaiting the prayer
*is obsessed with signing time and finding nemo, and asks for them anytime he can see a tv in the room...he loves to chant like the fish in the tank and pretend he can speak whale like dory.
*he knows how to work the dvd player (we had to turn off the touch screen buttons on the front so he couldn't get the dvd's out anymore)
*he loves rocking out to music...any kind, and can sing away into his pretend microphone like no other.
*he helps with chores...like wiping down the counters or floor, sweeping, laundry (more often than not he ends up making more of a mess, but that's ok) and when asked and in a good mood he will help put his toys away. 
*he can also make quite the mess, dumping toys out everywhere, emptying the cupboards and drawers, we can't leave the toilet seat up, 
*he loves to play instruments: drums, piano, shakers...you name it, he will play it.
*he signs potty before going number two :) and has been known to bring me over a diaper when he needs to be changed and there is one lying around.  he has also gone to the potty on his training potty multiple times, no we aren't training but getting him use to it here and there and really just trying to keep him from going in the tub. 
*he hands me his bottle when it is empty and he wants more.
*he loves books, he mimics the facial expressions of characters in the book, turns the pages, signs and points along as well. 
*he knows his signing time dvd's so well he signs the sign that is next before she gets to it.
*he goes to nursery at church and even though we requested an aid it hasn't worked out quite yet, but he is doing great in there anyway and eats his snack, listens to singing time, bugs the leaders to hold him, gives them hugs and sits independently and attentively in a kid chair with the other kids.
*goes to music class and a toddler class through early intervention, goes to physical therapy twice a month, sees a speech therapist here and there and has an early intervention coordinator pop in twice a month.
*his dr appointments have slowed and he is on a typical schedule with the pediatrician and doesn't need to see a cardiologist again until he is three.  
*he still has a hair pulling problem, although i have noticed it is when a kid invades his space bubble or he wants their attention...we are working on it, he also tries to kick them away if he is annoyed and when he gets hurt or angry he hits...again working on it. 
*he likes to wash his own hair, rub in his own lotion and brush his own teeth and hair.
*and if you ask him "camden how old are you" he holds up one and a half fingers and says "two!"

i love this little man of mine so so much and i am so excited for what the future holds for him...

Tuesday, January 10, 2012

2 for 2...

i found kelle's blog just weeks after having camden...at this point we were already falling in love with camden and watching kelle fall in love with nella at the same time was such an amazing adventure for us...kelle's blog: enjoying the small things has done so so much to raise awareness for the down syndrome community...last year for nella's birthday her readers raised $100,000 in just a few weeks for the ndss and this year her goal is $200,000 and with still a few weeks left to go she is already over half way there! it is definitely a blog worth reading, even if you don't donate to nella's 2 for 2 fund...however, her goal always hits close to my heart, since nella and camden are just two days apart and on similar journeys...

and as kelle explains so beautifully in her post...our kids are valuable and their futures are limitless.

Monday, January 9, 2012

where does the time go...

i could not for the life of me figure out where my days have been going...i mean i understand on the days that i have things specifically on the schedule, or i actually get out of the house, but seriously...what about all the days i wake up and my schedule "looks" empty...meaning: no doctors, no therapy, no toddler classes, no specific to do's....

so i decided to keep track...

7 awake, get ready
8 chiro
930 home, see dad off to work
10 camden snack
1030 plan weekly meals
11 grocery store
12 lunch
1 camden nap
130 clean up house, daily chore, primary stuff, other, me time (really just a tv show playing in the background while i do everything else)
3 camden wakes up
3-4 play time/walking
4 snack time for camden/mom preps dinner
430 cam done with snack, dinner cooking, mom cleans up snack mess, mom decides to blog while camden tries to pry me away...cam play/therapy

now this is me filling in the rest of the night:
530 dad home
6 dinner
7 family home evening
730 family activity
8 cam goes to bed
9 mom time/clean up/work out
10-11 mom bedtime

so there you go...a day without a schedule...

i wouldn't trade being a mom for anything in the world, even when at the end of the day i am still in my workout clothes/pj's and it looks like i did nothing...

gotta love it.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

holiday lovin'...

there was a whole lot of driving....and a whole lot of love...
a whole lot of music...and a whole lot of ball pits...oh christmas how we loved you...

Thursday, December 22, 2011

from our family to yours...

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

a little christmas magic...

smile camden!

there is a definite difference this christmas than those of past years...because at age two, camden is starting to see it...he is taking it in...the lights, the tree, the snow, the big red guy with the beard...and if you ask him if he is excited for christmas...he says "yes" with a big grin and a head nod.  when you point out to the falling snow, he smiles shyly back and signs snow while he says the word "noh" and after taking the above picture he now recognizes the big guy everywhere we go...and so sweetly signs santa while attempting it with "ata".  and i giggle and he giggles and the magic of christmas is creeping back into our lives...and i couldn't be more ecstatic, because there is nothing more magical to a child than christmas, and there is nothing more magical to a parent than watching a child at christmas.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

preferences...

as of now camden still prefers to crawl...i on the other hand, would prefer he get off his little tushy and walk. i don't think it is too much for me to ask, since two plus months ago he showed us he could and he is up to ten consecutive steps now, and understands how to slow himself down and balance. apparently camden doesn't see it that way. about a month ago camden tried out walking to get around, and somewhere along the line, he decided he prefers his hands securely on the ground. his therapist even wrote the following on his report last week: "camden is able to walk, but chooses not to"... i can't say that i blame him, he is a fast little fireball on all fours...but i am dying a little over here.  the only time he will stand up and take steps is if we are begging, pleading with him to do so...and so for the last few weeks, i have been pretty down about it.  and then this morning i was getting ready and i watched him in the mirror come crawling in from the hallway, and i realized that i should be cherishing these last few months of crawling, because i know soon enough he will stand up and take off on two legs, and that little piece of baby in him will be lost forever.  so crawl away little man...because you are getting bigger everyday, and a part of me just wants to yell "STOP!"

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

snow day...

love.

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