day eighteen...

it's hard sometimes, to think of words to say...a subject worth writing about. so i ponder...i get lost in thought...i read other's ramblings, i dip into their souls to the extent that they allow...i try to find meaning, in little things and at times, in nothing at all. then things begin to swirl, and they never seem to make complete sense at first...they move from one corner of my mind to the next until four corners connect, and i have something...maybe...and i never quite know what i have until it's on paper, out of my mind and into written words...so forgive me this once, if you don't quite know where this is going...because quite frankly, neither do i.

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sometimes i feel as though, in a desperate attempt for inclusion, in striving for not so different, i discount the very qualities that make my little one so uniquely beautiful. sometimes i feel that the celebration comes from the closer to average than the not close to average...and i have to wonder...why? why a mother who wants her children to be so beautifully, uniquely genuine would strive for average...in any sense of the word.

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in a world who claims to celebrate differences, to encourage creativity and dreams...why is it that i find myself clinging to normalcy...and who defines normal? could i even define normal? average is the middle, the sum of all parts then divided by them, the thing that happens most often...how do you quantify qualities? and why do we try? so why is it that in our quest for inclusion, in our attempts at understanding, that we compare to averages...

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i found comfort once, in averages with camden...when i would look at him and at other babies and not see so much the differences...when i would hear the words, "you can't even tell", or when the therapist would say "no significant delays"...but somewhere along the line, those words lost their meaning...they changed meaning...they began to hurt. they began pushing normal...and i find myself asking why? why can't we each just be "each"...in our very own wonderfully unique way. why can't we push for different...in the most wholesome sense of the word, and why can't that be magnificent in its very own way.

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so in a society that at times defines unique as exclusive instead of inclusive...we find ourselves comparing averages...but my son isn't average...and i wouldn't want any of my children to be. i want him to be unique in the most wonderful ways possible...my son is different, an individual, exceptional, extraordinary and strange in the best possible ways, the ways that make him divinely, singularly, him. in all, he is who he is...and i strive to celebrate that each and every day.

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random fact about down syndrome #18: my son has down syndrome...he is unique. the following are synonyms for the word unique: different, exclusive, individual, only, particular, rare, best, exceptional, extraordinary, singular, special...